'Feeling Self-Absorbed?'

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GrassDress from Berlin, Germany -

I put a question mark afterwards because...well, I'm not sure that's how I feel. A while back I was accused of being "on the path to shedding the ego." I've always remembered a wise man saying that one who is free of the ego will also be seen as being quite egotistical, because in reality he is thinking of his self/himself. I find myself to be a free person, not confined in any sort of box or limited by myself in any ways. I do not feel like my ego runs my self, actually I feel I have it quite under control and use it as a functional tool when needed. However, I have a difficult mother to deal with who tells me all the time that I am selfish and egotistical and into myself. While I find her to be EXACTLY that, I wonder if she is projecting her own problems onto me in the form of accusations, or if she is truly criticizing me out of concern. I take criticism well. I understand if I appear that way to someone, something I am doing gives off that vibe. So I assessed myself. I find often I talk about myself in conversation. By this I mean I relate my own experiences to other people's, and I speak about myself in order to teach others. Ram Dass said "I know I speak about myself a lot, but that's because I know my own case study better than I know everyone else's case study." Which is acceptable if you're Ram Dass, but not if you are just a twenty-one year-old girl (as of today!) still trying to blossom into somebodyness and nobodyspecialness at the same time. I do not make people buy me things all the time, but for some reason a lot of people do. I do not ignore others needs, in fact I am very aware of them and do my best to suit them. I am a great listener, but when it comes time to respond or offer advice I fall short and make the other person feel awkward, or I offer advice that is not for universal diagnoses, but only my own. I do care for my self a lot, though. I set aside hours of the day on multiple occasions for yoga, and I have very radical eating habits that others think I do just for shock value. And my mother sees my yoga as being obsessed with my body. I am recovering from an unhealthy depressed past few years where I let my body go to crap and also developed tendon problems and chronic joint conditions from gaining so much weight so fast, and when I get excited about feeling healthy and looking healthy she doesn't say anything, and later tells her boyfriend and her friends that I'm so into myself. I also have problems showing gratitude. I don't know how to thank people properly or show gratitude enough, because when people thank me I don't know how to respond so I think it must be equally as awkward for some people. I think this somehow may be linked with self-absorption. And I also have problems being touched. I don't like to be hugged or kissed by my own mother or father, and took up celibacy mid-5 year relationship out of spite for my boyfriend who told me it wouldn't work if we couldn't touch. I ruined that relationship then and there and it ended. I think somehow maybe this is also linked to some sort of ego issue? The reason I am explaining this and what I am looking for: I want opinions and feedback on parallel experiences or feelings. Primarily I am looking for ways that others have overcome feeling like they are still selfish. Why do I feel like that but I don't think I am like that? What are unique ways to show gratitude more frequently? Does anyone think the ego is involved in the gratitude issue, or even the touch issue (which does not root to ANY traumatic experiences in my past just in case you thought it may). If there are any words you have to offer, I am completely open. Tell me anything, even if it seems to trail off, because I am not completely sure what I am feeling and I would love to hear anything anyone has to offer. Thank you for reading.

Comment #1 Jackson (63.176.159.75) -

Hi, Grass Dress: I deduce from what you say that you are, or were, very fat, which is the origin of your motherīs accusations. You are reacting to a personality issue that you see as being an "ego" issue. It is difficult to imagine a person without an ego. No matter what Ram Das says, it is not an alternative to get rid of the ego. It IS an alternative to tame it and NOT let it run our lives. How do we do this? Simple (seemingly), you get to know your mind and see that there are several faces that pop up and talk to us: the complainer, the critiziser, the child, the tyrant, the whiner, the loser, they are all in there. Once you get to know them, and realize the YOU are not any of them, then you begin to get things straight. The final "guy" in there is "the watcher", he keeps quiet but watches everything you do. He makes believe that he is you watching, but you can get to the point where you live your life without the watcher. Live your life directly, intensely, with no one watching you. Then you start to be free, fat or skinny.

Comment #2 Lesly (63.176.159.138) -

I agree with that. Sometimes we have to just simply accept who we are no matter what people might say or throw words upon us. If we do live with the standards then we are nothing but a piece of robot functioning with a program, i have been there before and believe me i regret it too much. I now live my life with my own decisions and thank God for letting me know that i have my freewill and no one can ever take that away from me.

Comment #3 Chuck (63.176.159.83) -

I think you guys have points but let us look at the other side of the story. As with i understand with the original poster, it seems to me that she is suffering from something mentally pathological. You seem to withdraw your self from associating and for me it is not good.

I think you should start trying to figure out what you want, and who you really are.

And i think you become like that because of your mother's treatment with you.

Comment #4 Jeanny from Dresden (63.176.159.154) -

Hi, GrassDress. Thereīs a lot there. Many people live their lives sitting in front of their mental stage watching a play, so to speak, and they are actors in that play. They are watching themselves (you see: the "watcher" in us) and get involved in the soap opera like itīs real. Really something going on. If you close the curtain and stop watching the play and start LIVING your life, instead of thinking (or watching) right away things will change.

Get rid of the watcher and live your life directly. No play no soap opera. Be yourself, stop caring what others think. Want to be fat? Be fat!

Good luck. No play, itīs just a movie.

Comment #5 Eve (63.176.159.59) -

You have some very serious issues to deal with. You first may need to address the fact that you are not in charge of what happens around you, but only of what you can do to affect a situation and or circumstance. The mind plays tricks on us, all of the time. It is up to us to figure out when to let go of the particular trick which is being played and focus on progression. A bit more Yoga should help with that, without a doubt.

Comment #6 curtis (63.176.159.134) -

What do you really know about Yoga and what it can and cannot do? After all, it could easily be a scheme to get us away from technology.

Comment #7 Idalina (63.176.159.181) -

Hmmm.. Well I have to disagree with that Curtis, I think it is not always the case. There are lots of good stuffs that yoga teaches people, especially those who are after for some spiritual enlightment. I am also doing yoga and I must say that it has nothing to do with making people away form technology and all of that. Anyway, have a good day guys and keep those posts coming.

Comment #8 Sammy (109.111.97.24) -

That is very true Idalina. And come to think of it, when people get tired of all the hassle in their daily lives, well that sometimes includes technology, they go for something to relax their mind and body, that is when they go for yoga. Yoga is really really great for anyone and you can see lots of people doing yoga. Have a great day people and keep on posting.

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Spiritual Help 'Feeling Self-Absorbed?'